It has been awhile since I've written anything on this blog because I am at that mid-way point of the school term, which means that I am busy with assignments and tests. Unfortunately, that intestinal problem I had mentioned in an earlier post seems to be lingering too, and that has made it hard to find the motivation to write about something/anything on this blog. Also, I have wanted to write about something other than school, or the annoyances thereof, and yet not much has come to mind. Annoyances at school tend to be what plague me.
Well, the intestinal thing has been really bothersome because it comes in waves. I don't feel extremely sick, I just feel unwell. Any food or liquids that I put in just sit there, or that's what it feels like. And the issue here is that this has been going on for the past month.
So, this has made me paranoid. Not surprising, I feel, since I've really elapsed the week, or even two week sick period. After that, it starts to feel like something a bit more serious might be at work. This is of course an untrustworthy voice in my head, I think. But yeah, I definitely looked up H1 N1 symptoms. I don't see myself fitting into that though. It's a tough crowd, not for me. Unfortunately, I don't have health-care, nor can I afford it, nor have I ever had a job that has offered me benefits (with the exception of one restaurant, in which I qualified for the group-program for about two weeks). That means that I have to try to self-diagnose, and be experimental with remedies.
The first remedy is a plain, simple diet. A very wholesome, healthy, bland, and soulless diet. This week has been the start of that, and I'm hoping that this will make me feel normal. Also, I'm hoping that something will reveal itself as the culprit once I go back to the sinful stuff. And I am exaggerating a little, because the diet is not really bad. And since I'm feeling this way, it actually feels good to be eating well. However, that general feeling still remains.
The other remedy has to do with my study patterns. Or more specifically, with my eyes. I think I am straining my eyes. The amount of reading and writing that I have to do might be straining my eyes. That's what I think, at least. What has led me to think this is that every time I sit down to work on a paper or read my textbook, the next morning my stomach feels acidic. And yet, now I think that this might be paranoia, because it is happening after relatively short study periods. Either way, I have now started using reading glasses not only for reading textbooks, but for writing on either paper or on the computer.
I also thought that it could be stress-related, but I'm not so sure anymore. This is a relatively easy term for me, my classes are not altogether difficult. Stress? I suppose a little, but nothing like previous terms. I sort of loathe my Literature class, but I have sort of resigned myself to it. I'm not as concerned about the grade anymore because my instructor is in her own world, and I can only do what I can do. So yeah, the usual amounts of stress. I still think it has more to do with eyestrain.
The thing is...I've never heard of this sort of reaction. Yes, I've heard of eyestrain from staring at a computer for hours on end, but I've never heard of acidic stomach and lethargy as a result of reading an hour's worth of a well-lit book. After only a day I feel like the glasses are helping me, but here again, am I just being credulous? Is a health-nut diet and a pair of reading glasses essential to my well-being? I would hate to become one of those people who hide behind countless homeopathic medications, unable to do the most basic things in life without consulting therapists or naturopaths. A hypochondriac: someone who blames the carbs from pasta for his/her mental instability or inability to socially interact.
What's frustrating is that there probably is a very good explanation for what is ailing me, but I might not be able to find it on my own. I can think up of many different ailments, but there's no certifiable way to test for them. Not to mention that a lot of the hypochondriacs I know tend to self-diagnose the shit out of themselves.
The thing that I am looking forward to when I get to a University: health care. As a student, you can get health care through the school. Expensive and not amazing, but health care none-the-fucking-less. Until then, I am going to eat plain oatmeal, brown rice, steamed chicken, and have an apple for dessert.
Well, how about that for a return to the blogosphere? Unloading my sickness onto the screen. I swear that one of these days I will talk about something other than how sick I am, or how cynical I am.